That random call I got from you tonight asking to see how I’ve been doing was simply the best. so grateful for having you as a friend. thank you CSR.

Rather than telling you how I feel, I hide it, and it just eats me up inside.

If only I had my friends to run to, then maybe I’d feel a bit better.

This is to tell you

I am slowly getting better.

I was shattered this summer, but I am picking myself up, slowly but surely. 

There was a reason why previous engagements with others always gave me a sense of impending doom, an aura that I could not shake away, a feeling of uneasiness and this was why.

The emotions I felt this past three months has made me realized why I was always scared to try, why I was always scared to commit, why I always had doubt.

In the process I’ve hurt and alienated a lot of people in my life, and chose to keep the ones that are precious close to me. I am grateful for them, because those that are precious to me have always allowed me to feel the way I feel, in return, for them feeling the way they feel.

But this is where I close my heart, and seal it away from outsiders. Hoping for it to never experience what it has gone through and is currently going through.

And this is where I tell you, I am getting better, and my world is turning ever so slowly but ever so brightly.

I would be lying.

I know, and we both know it won’t work out. We both have our future careers to focus on; one of us will reach success later than the other. It’s suddenly fun and exciting to receive a message from someone again, even if its small updates on each other’s lives. I can’t help but smile. I love the encouragement and support we give each passing day, week, month. It warms my heart a bit.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t like the idea of being with him.

This is a note to yourself.

There are easy days and there are hard days.

Remember everything will somehow fall into place.

If you need to cry, cry.

Just promise yourself that you will take care of yourself, because you need to take care of yourself before you take care of others.

There may be days where it is hard to smile, and sometimes you don’t even want to see or talk to people, but, sometimes you have to fake it till you make it. So please smile.

Things will get better, it may take some time, but I promise they will.

What was I doing with my life that made me stop talking to you? Well thank goodness you came back because, right now if you weren’t here who knows how I would be right now. Thanks for being such a great person.

The great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving.

Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.